Living as if your life depends on it
A month ago, we wrote about a colleague who was unexpectedly admitted to the ICU of the VUmc with acute leukemia. We wrote, "As we write this, we do not yet know whether she will make it to step 2". She passed away three days later. What we did not write a month ago was that the colleague was Daphne Prieckaerts: the mother of ftrprf, the mother of our shareholders, and my partner in all aspects of my life for 42 years.
In the first week of March, the entire management team and all our shareholders went skiing for a week in Tignes (describing the essence of a family business in one sentence). Halfway through that week, Daphne got a mild flu. Back in the Netherlands, the symptoms worsened. On Monday morning, the GP referred her to the lung specialist. Two hours later, a hematologist said, "You have a very aggressive form of acute leukemia. We want to start chemo immediately". Another two hours later, she was transported to the VUmc with the siren blaring. Another two hours later, she was fighting for her life in the ICU. She survived, terminally ill, the first night. The next day, fully aware of the seriousness of the situation, she formulated three rules for living in the hospital.
1. One hour at a time
The first rule Daphne formulates is 'one hour at a time.' I asked her what she meant. She said, "There is no point in worrying about tomorrow if I don't survive the next hour. So I focus on what needs to happen in the next hour. One hour at a time". Later, a friend told me that commandos use this way of thinking in stressful or dangerous situations.
2. Focus solely on things you can influence
Secondly, she explained that she spends 100% of her energy on things she can influence. She didn't let anything distract her that she couldn't do anything about. A day later, it became completely clear to me what she meant. I asked her if I should read out what was written on the 10 infusions she was given. She answered no. I asked why not, and she answered: "Because it doesn't matter. The medical team at the VUmc is responsible for my treatment. I have complete confidence in them. Knowing what is in those infusions doesn't benefit me. I solely focus on what I am responsible for: rest, nutrition, and exercise."
3. It's a new day. Make it count.
She literally implemented the third rule of life for the hospital. No matter how horrible the night had been, she said aloud every morning that a new day began: "It's a new day. Let's make it count". Fully aware that every new day could be her last, she decided that every day had full meaning. That did not lead to to-do's; it led to 'being.' Listening with full attention. Sincerely thanking the nurse. She lived 16 days without fear, knowing that every day could be her last, with full attention.
The last thing she wrote (because she could not talk because she was intubated) was, 'Time is not linear.' The past, present, and future are connected. Her final invitation was to change how we look at events, to make the order less important than the mutual relationship and meaning. Daphne leaves behind, besides an enormous emptiness, an enormous wisdom. It's a new day. Shall we?